I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
