He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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