when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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