why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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