I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
