dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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