his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He better not be in your backpack
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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