Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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