dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
