I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
