Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
