I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
