she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
