his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
