she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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