At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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