the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
