how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
