She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
