I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
