There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
