I smell stomach acid.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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