i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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