if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
