You're my little dorito
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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