Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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