Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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