A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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