I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
