got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
