one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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