My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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