As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
