Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
