I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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