I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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