I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
