i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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