It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
