chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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