I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
