Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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