oh god the rape fog is back!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
