i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
