i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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