; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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