Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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