Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Alive.
So much puke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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