We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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