Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
