well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Randomize
