They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
sarcasm needs its own font
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
