Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
