absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
