check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize