shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
