He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
