Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
