dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
