she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize