well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
a search helicopter?!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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