Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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