all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
