She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
