Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
