if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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