did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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