My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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