Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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