pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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