I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
