lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
