I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
