Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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