wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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