Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know, be my cock's hype man.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
