Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
