just tell him i said nine months
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
