The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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