i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
